I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
