I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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