Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had to cum in my sink.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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