It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
