He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
