I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think my mom watched the whole time
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
