I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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