I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So vagazzling was a success
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
