you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
