You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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