why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
