You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
