A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
