You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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