I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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