everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Someone came in the potted fern
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
