he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
BRING THE BAGELS
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
