that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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