I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
