So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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