I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
