I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
