i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
