wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
