Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
