Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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