Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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