I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
