***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
