There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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