You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
