its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
