Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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