He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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