drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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