just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
