Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize