he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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