My brain says no but my pants say off.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize