Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
