i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
