Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
