seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
