We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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