I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
