Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
