If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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