All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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