took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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