i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
