Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
