checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
