Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
