I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
