I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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