GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
