Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
