I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
