Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
