I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
