I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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