I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
