He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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