Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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