guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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