he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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