i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
